On Decissiveness:

• Gee, I always wanted to be a leader of something! I hope they do not expect me to make decisions.
  
• I have arrived at a positive, definite, unchangeable, inflexible, conclusion. That is, if I do not change my mind.
  
• They point this way thinking they will fool me and I will go that way but I fool them and go the way they told me.
  
  

On Food:

• Groo hungers. I crave something to eat... most preferably food.
  
• I will eat anything, bring me anything! Cooked if possible!
  
• Say, I am hungry. I should go get food. I have not eaten since the roast ox. It was good but I wish I had gotten more then the horns.
  
• We must find food, Rufferto. We shall probably have to walk for days.... search high and low for something to eat.... Maybe we should get dinner before looking.
  
• When Groo wants to eat, Groo does not let lack of food stop him!
  
  

On Frays:

• As the goose is drawn to the marsh and the hog to slime, Groo is drawn to the fray!
  
• Can I start slaying now or must I wait until we find an enemy? (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
• Come taste the blade of Groo! One taste per customer!
  
• Groo does not belive in taking the defensive position! Groo is a thoroughly offensive person!
  
• Groo shows no favorites! I slay all, whether I know the reason or not!
  
• Half for you, half for me and then we slay the rest together.
  
• I have seen your clumsy, mindless killing! Now it is my turn!
  
• I know not who I am rescuing but if I slay enough people I am bound to rescue someone.
  
• I made a whole army disappear, except for the ones laying dead on the ground of course!
  
• I will make short work of him! Even if short work takes a long time!
  
• I will slay them, and hack them, and waste them, and destroy them! And maybe later I will even find out why!
  
• No matter how many their side may have and how few yours may have, having Groo on yours makes all fights even!
  
• Stand and Deliver! Or you just stand there and let me deliver! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
• Tell me where he is or I will slay you.... then you will talk!
  
• The great thing about a fray is it does not matter which side you are on! Slaughtering either is fun!
  
• This is not working as it usually does! I keep stabbing and slicing them but they do not fall down! They must be really stupid! Perhaps I should try slicing and then stabbing... or slicing and stabbing at the same time! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
• This will be so much fun! I think I will slay everyone twice!
  
• When one side of a fray is thieves, slaying them first is preferable -- though not mandatory!
  
  

On Groo:

• Do not try to fool Groo! I am confused enough already.
  
• Groo always knows what he is stepping into every moment.
  
• Groo does not slay women or children! Former children, certainly but... (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #3)
  
• Groo goes where he is needed whether or not he is wanted!
  
• Groo has a head for knots.
  
• He who laughs at Groo laughs at trash!
  
• I destroy whole towns... lay waste to entire armies... leave men dead and bleeding... but killing women and children is cruel! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #3)
  
• I did not think Groo could be frightened -- but for the first time, I am wrong again! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
• I need no aid! Groo is beyond help!
  
• I will help you Arcadio. "Help" is my middle name. It is what most say when they see me!
  
• If anyone makes a fool of Groo it will be Groo!
  
• My likes are the likes of Groo! That is probably because I am Groo!
  
• No one calls Groo a liar! I may not always say true things but I never lie!
  
• No one makes abn idiot out of Groo without Groo knowing about it!
  
• No other force can cause you danger with Groo by your side!
  
• Now Groo's hands are as useful as his head! His hands are empty!
  
• Now there is a new word that people must not call Groo! I wish I could remember what it was! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #3)
  
• That will teach you to listen to me!
  
• There is no explanation for Groo!
  
• You are too late to make a fool of Groo!
  
• You dare wake Groo! When Groo is unconscious you must leave me in my natural state!
  
• You think you can confuse Groo by giving him two things to think about at once?
  
  

On Health and Hygeine:

• I do not want to catch the plague from myself! I stay up here away from me. I will not go near myself until I am sure it is safe.
  
• What a waste to get wet.... and weeks from bath day.
  
• What is wrong with my clothes? How could they possibly smell? They are the same clothes I have been wearing for years!
  
• What ugly, smelly rags.... oh, wait. They are mine.
  
  

On Intelligence and the Mind:

• Everyone thinks I am stupid but that is only because they all know I am not smart.
  
• Groo is not an incompetant! Groo is just the opposite! I am an out-competant!
  
• Groo is not inept! In fact, I am very non-ept!
  
• Ha! You take me for the fool I am!
  
• He who laughs at Groo's brains will find there is nothing to laugh at!
  
• I am going to take a minute and teach you everything I know.
  
• I do not understand what is happening but whatever is happening, I do not understand it.
  
• I hate remembering things. I must not forget to stop doing that. What was I thinking about?
  
• It is simple? Then I have the mind for it!
  
• Okay, you slobbering, savage, mindless creature. Prepare to meet your equal!
  
• That sounds like smart thinking! But I am often too dumb to know when my thinking is smart.
  
• The creatures were all imaginary .. I think... or am I just imagining they were imaginary? (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
  

On Money:

• But taxes are necessary. I know this because a king once told me.
  
• "Fifty percent"? I know not how much that is but it must be very good.... maybe even more then three kopins.
  
• If I can earn money in town I can buy a nice uniform and join them! Then I will have a job!
  
• Maybe I can get a job collecting taxes. Then I would earn money so I could pay those taxes.
  
• Most people get money by stealing or collecting taxes.
  
• Yes, a job and then some money. If you wished to give me money without a job I would not object.
  
  

On Others:

• Cowards! Stand and let me slay you!
  
• Grooella does not like me. I know not why. It seems to me it has something to do with me not dying several times.
  
• I have never seen people like this, Rufferto. They are so peaceful.... so lacking in war.
  
• I know not how old he is but I would guess his age is deceased, or older.
  
• I somehow feel at home amongst these men. No one here knows anything.
  
• I will not kill you Minsterel. Have I ever done so in the past?
  
• It was not always bad to be around Granny Groo. There was the time when.... No, I was spanked then....
  
• Many people try to cheat Groo. Like that merchant who sold me the meatless stew without vegetables!
  
• Maybe we should all have the same name! Then we would all know everyone's name!
  
• No one goes before Groo! And after Groo has gone, no one else has to go!
  
• Rufferto? No, you are not Rufferto. Rufferto did not have a beak.
  
• The Sage knows everything! And what he doesn't know he makes up!
  
• They will not deny seeing me now... especially those who are dead! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #3)
  
• You are a heavy person to carry! I may have to make two trips!
  
  

On Threats and Insults:

• Beware you apparitions! Groo will make you wish you where not here!
  
• He who calls me a mendicant lives to wish he had not called me a mendicant because he no longer lives! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
• He who messes with Groo never messes again!
  
• He who soils my name soils himself!
  
• How dare he say Groo is whatever that man said he said! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #3)
  
• No one calls Groo "warthog nostrils" without proof!
  
• No one calls me a mendicant! True, I have forgotten what it means but I remember I do not like being called that! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
• No one plays Groo for a fool and lives to play again!
  
• You can not call Groo names he does not understand!
  
• You will be sorry! Groo will return! People are always sorry when Groo returns!
  
• You will think twice before you again call Groo a "Samaritan"!
  
  

On Travel and Quests:

• Come Rufferto. Join the mission as I go into battle and rescue you!
  
• I know it is a nearly impossible quest but I am prepared to climb the highest desert, swim the tallest mountain, and walk the deepest ocean to find it!
  
• I must learn to act before I think.... or is it the other way around....
  
• I wonder where that north garrison is. My warrior's huncch is that it is to the south.
  
• If you were a stolen ruby and you were looking for you, where would you begin looking for you?
  
• My, that bridge did not fall down so easily last time I was here.
  
• Rufferto, do you have an idea how to find you? Oh, wait! Rufferto is missing. I will have to find him to see if he has an idea how I can find him.
  
• This is a good place to look for a dragon, Rufferto. No one here has ever seen one.
  
• This land looks familiar. I do not recall it looking familiar the last time I was here.
  
• To go any furthur you will need a ship. If you do not have one you will get very wet!

  
  

On Whatever:

• Have you seen a man who gave me kopins? He was standing right where I was a while ago.
  
• How dare the town of Negreb claim I have attacked them when I have not? I am so mad, I shall attack them for claiming I have attacked them! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #3)
  
• I must spread the alert! Maybe even warn them!
  
• I want my dog back! I will give you to the count of five if I could count to five!
  
• It is destruction! Lots of destruction! And unless I miss my guess, there are traces of pestilence here! (from Groo: Mightier Then the Sword #2)
  
• It is time someone put their foot down and my nose tells me that I am that foot!
  
• Like the mindless homing pigeon, I return!
  
• No one passes until I get my dog back! No one! Not even me!
  
• She is smitten with me, I can tell. The way she points her sword at me....
  
• Ships only sink for good reasons -- such as if someone cut the sail lines -- like this!
  
• The fact that I am a spy is a secret! Make certain everyone knows that!
  
• There is no compassion here? Do the people here not care that there is not compassion?
  
• What have I ever done to harm you? Apart from accidently almost killing you a few times?
• Why do you not want me to step foot on your boat? What if I step two foot on your boat? How about three foot? Nine foot? Five? What comes next?
  
• Wrong! You will accept peace or I will slay you!