function getQuote() {
	var numberOfQuotes = 139;

	var number = Math.round(Math.random() * numberOfQuotes);
	var quote="";
	var person="";
	var title="";
	if(number == 0) { 
		var quote="Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach hundreds of men to steal fish and give you a percentage... WHOA! You could pretty much retire!";
		var title="Claire Voltaire:";
	}
	if(number == 1) {
		var title="Dave James:";
		var quote="Sometimes, it's better to lie to children. For example, when a child asks if they were adopted, say 'yes' and lovingly explain that you have to be extra special to be adopted. Under no circumstances use the word, 'kidnapped.'";
	}
	if(number == 2) {
	
		var quote="If I plagiarize, it's only because I like someone else's idea better than mine and I want credit for it.";

	}
	if(number == 3) {
		var quote="The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.";
		var title="Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live";

	}
	if(number == 4) {
		var title="Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents:";
		var quote="I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.";
	}


	if(number == 5) {
		var title="Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention:";
		var quote="The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder.";
	}
	if(number == 6) {
		var title="Forestry expert Ronald Reagan:";
		var quote="If you've seen one redwood tree, you've seen them all.";
	}

	if(number == 7) {
		var title="Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery:";
		var quote = "Traditionally, most of australias imports come from overseas.";
	}
	if(number == 8) {
		var title="Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle:";
		var quote = "It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.";
	}

	if(number == 9) {
		var title="Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo:";
		var quote="The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people that make them unsafe."
	}


	if(number == 10) {
		var title="Andrew Mathis:";
		var quote="It is bad luck to be superstitious.";
	}


	if(number == 11) {
		var title="Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers:";
		var quote="They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.";
	}
	if(number == 12) {
		var title="Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks:";
		var quote="We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.&quot;</i>";
	}

	if(number == 13) {
		var title="Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge:";
		var quote="When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.";

	}

	if(number == 14) {
		var title="Former French President Charles de Gaulle:";
		var quote="China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.";
	}
	if(number == 15) {
		var title="Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower:";
		var quote="Thing are more like they are now than they ever were before.";
	}
	if(number == 16) {
		var title="Senator Everett Dirksen:";
		var quote="A billion here, a billion there - sooner or later it adds up to the real money.";
	}

	if(number == 17) {
		var title="Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark:";
		var quote="Half this game is 90% mental.";
	}
	if(number == 18) {
		var title="General William Westmoreland, during the war in Vietnam:";
		var quote="Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.";
	}
	if(number == 19) {
		var title="Former U.S. Vice- President Dan Quayle at a fund raising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line &quot;a mind is a terrible thing to waste:&quot;";
		var quote="What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.&quot;</i>";
		
}

	if(number == 20) {
		var title="Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin:";
		var quote="If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.";
	}
	if(number == 21) {
		var title="Anti-smoker Brooke Shields:";
		var quote="Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.";
		
	}
	if(number == 22) {
		var title="Sign in a Laundromat:";
		var quote="Automatic washing machines:  Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.";
	}
	if(number == 23) {
		var title="Sign in an office:";
		var quote="Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.";
	}
	if(number == 24) {
		var title="Sign in an office:";
		var quote="After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.";
	}
	if(number == 25) {
		var title="Sign on a church door:";
		var quote="This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)";
	}
	if(number == 26) {
		var title="Sign outside a secondhand shop:";
		var quote="We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?";
	}
	if(number == 27) {
		var title="Sign outside a photographer's studio:";
		var quote="Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also.";
	}	
	if(number == 28) {
		var title="Sign outside a disco:";
		var quote="Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.";
	}
	if(number == 29) {
		var title="Sign warning of quicksand:";
		var quote="Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the district council.";
	}

	// START
				if(number == 30) {
			var title = "Sign at a Santa Fe gas station:";
			var quote = "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.";
		}

		if(number == 31) {
			var title = "Sign in a New York restaurant:";
			var quote = "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.";
		}

		if(number == 32) {
			var title = "Sign on the wall of a Baltimore estate:";
			var quote = "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.";
		}

		if(number == 33) {
			var title = "Sign on a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:";
			var quote = "38 years on the same spot.";
		}

		if(number == 34) {
			var title = "Sign in a Los Angeles dance hall:";
			var quote = "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.";
		}

		if(number == 35) {
			var title = "Sign in a Florida maternity ward:";
			var quote = "No children allowed.";
		}

		if(number == 36) {
			var title = "Sign in a New York drugstore:";
			var quote = "We dispense with accuracy.";
		}

		if(number == 37) {
			var title = "Sign in the offices of a loan company:";
			var quote = "Ask about our plans for owning your home.";
		}

		if(number == 38) {
			var title = "Sign in a New York medical building:";
			var quote = "Mental Health Prevention Center";
		}

		if(number == 39) {
			var title = "Sign on a New York convalescent home:";
			var quote = "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.";
		}

		if(number == 40) {
			var title = "Sign on a Maine shop:";
			var quote = "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices, and workmanship.";
		}

		if(number == 41) {
			var title = "Sign at a number of military bases:";
			var quote = "Restricted to unauthorized personnel.";
		}

		if(number == 42) {
			var title = "Sign on a display of 'I love you only' Valentine cards:";
			var quote = "Now available in multi-packs.";
		}

		if(number == 43) {
			var title = "Sign in the window of a Kentucky appliance store:";
			var quote = "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.";
		}

		if(number == 44) {
			var title = "Sign in a funeral parlor:";
			var quote = "Ask about our layaway plan.";
		}

		if(number == 45) {
			var title = "Sign in a clothing store:";
			var quote = "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.";
		}

		if(number == 46) {
			var title = "Sign in a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:";
			var quote = "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!";
		}

		if(number == 47) {
			var title = "Sign on a shopping mall marquee:";
			var quote = "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced";
		}

		if(number == 48) {
			var title = "Sign outside a country shop:";
			var quote = "We buy junk and sell antiques.";
		}

		if(number == 49) {
			var title = "Sign in the window of an Oregon store:";
			var quote = "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?";
		}

		if(number == 50) {
			var title = "Sign in a Maine restaurant:";
			var quote = "Open 7 days a week and weekends.";
		}

		if(number == 51) {
			var title = "Sign on a radiator repair garage:";
			var quote = "Best place to take a leak.";
		}

		if(number == 52) {
			var title = "Sign in the vestry of a New England church:";
			var quote = "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.";
		}

		if(number == 53) {
			var title = "Sign in a Pennsylvania cemetery:";
			var quote = "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.";
		}

		if(number == 54) {
			var title = "Sign on a roller coaster:";
			var quote = "Watch your head.";
		}

		if(number == 55) {
			var title = "Sign on the grounds of a public school:";
			var quote = "No trespassing without permission.";
		}

		if(number == 56) {
			var title = "Sign on a Tennessee highway:";
			var quote = "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.";
		}

		if(number == 57) {
			var title = "Sign in front of a New Hampshire car wash:";
			var quote = "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.";
		}

		if(number == 58) {
			var title = "Sign somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence";
			var quote = "Do not throw stones at this sign.";
		}


//SLUTT
		if(number == 59) {
			var title = "Sign on motorway garage:";
			var quote = "Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much, but out petrol is.";
		}

		if(number == 60) {
			var title = "Notice in health food shop window: ";
			var quote = "Closed due to illness.";
		}

		if(number == 61) {
			var title = "Sign spotted in a safari park:";
			var quote = "Elephants please stay in your car.";
		}

		if(number == 62) {
			var title = "Sign seen during a conference:";
			var quote = "For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.";
		}

		if(number == 63) {
			var title = "Sign on a repair shop door:";
			var quote = "We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)";
		}

		if(number == 64) {
			var title = "Sign at Norfolk farm gate:";
			var quote = "Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left.";
		}

		if(number == 65) {
			var title = "Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: ";
			var quote = "Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.";
		}

		if(number == 66) {
			var title = "Sign in a Japanese hotel:";
			var quote = "Sports jackets may be worn but no trousers.";
		}

		if(number == 67) {
			var title = "Notice in a field:";
			var quote = "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.";
		}
		if(number == 68) {
			var title = "";
			var quote = "So many stupid people . . . so few comets. ";
		}

		if(number == 69) {
			var title = "";
			var quote = "All generalizations are false. ";
		}

		if(number == 70) {
			var title = "";
			var quote = "Cover me. I'm changing lanes. ";
		}

		if(number == 71) {
			var title = "";
			var quote = "I brake for no apparent reason. ";
		}

		if(number == 72) {
			var title = "";
			var quote = "I'm not as think as you drunk I am. ";
		}

		if(number == 73) {
			var title = "";
			var quote = "We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?";
		}

		if(number == 74) {
			var title = "";
			var quote = "He who laughs last thinks slowest. ";
		}

		if(number == 75) {

			var quote = "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. ";
		}

		if(number == 76) {
			var quote = "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. ";
		}

		if(number == 77) {
			var quote = "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. ";
		}

		if(number == 78) {
			var quote = "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. ";
		}

		if(number == 79) {
			var quote = "Born free . . . Taxed to death. ";
		}

		if(number == 80) {
			var quote = "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. ";
		}

		if(number == 81) {
			var quote = "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. ";
		}

		if(number == 82) {
			var quote = "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. ";
		}

		if(number == 83) {
			var quote = "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep. ";
		}

		if(number == 84) {
			var quote = "All men are idiots, and I married their King.";
		}

		if(number == 85) {
			var quote = "Work is for people who don't know how to fish. ";
		}

		if(number == 86) {
			var quote = "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. ";
		}

		if(number == 87) {
			number=88;
		}

		if(number == 88) {
			var quote = "If you don't like the news, go out and make some. ";
		}

		if(number == 89) {
			var quote = "Sorry, I don't date outside my species. ";
		}

		if(number == 90) {
			var quote = "No radio--Already stolen. ";
		}

		if(number == 91) {
			var quote = "I took an IQ test and the results were negative. ";
		}

		if(number == 92) {
			var quote = "Where there's a will, I want to be in it. ";
		}

		if(number == 93) {
			var quote = "OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? ";
		}

		if(number == 94) {
			var quote = "Few women admit their age; fewer men act it. ";
		}

		if(number == 95) {
			var quote = "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. ";
		}

		if(number == 96) {
			var quote = "Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. ";
		}

		if(number == 97) {
			number=98;
		}

		if(number == 98) {
			var quote = "Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students. ";
		}

		if(number == 99) {
			var quote = "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. ";
		}

		if(number == 100) {
			var quote = "A bartender: A pharmacist with a limited inventory. ";
		}

		if(number == 101) {
			var quote = "How can I miss you if you won't go away? ";
		}

		if(number == 102) {
			var quote = "Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.  ";
		}

		if(number == 103) {
			var quote = "Give me ambiguity or give me something else.  ";
		}

		if(number == 104) {
			var quote = "We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.  ";
		}

		if(number == 105) {
			var quote = "Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.  ";
		}

		if(number == 106) {
			var quote = "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.  ";
		}

		if(number == 107) {
			number=108;
		}

		if(number == 108) {
			var quote = "Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.  ";
		}

		if(number == 109) {
			var quote = "Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.  ";
		}

		if(number == 110) {
			var quote = "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.  ";
		}

		if(number == 111) {
			var quote = "There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.  ";
		}

		if(number == 112) {
			var quote = "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?  ";
		}

		if(number == 113) {
			var quote = "Ever stop to think and forget to start again?  ";
		}

		if(number == 114) {
			
			var quote = "Keep honking . . . I'm reloading.  ";
		}

		if(number == 115) {
			
			var quote = "Caution: I drive like you do.  ";
		}

		if(number == 116) {
			
			var quote = "If I play a blank tape at full blast, will the mime next door go nuts?";
		}

		if(number == 117) {
			
			var quote = "If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?";
		}

		if(number == 118) {
			
			var quote = "Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.";
		}

		if(number == 119) {
			
			var quote = "If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?";
		}

		if(number == 120) {
			
			var quote = "After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?";
		}

		if(number == 121) {
			
			var quote = "Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?";
		}

		if(number == 122) {
			
			var quote = "Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?";
		}

		if(number == 123) {
			
			var quote = "Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?";
		}

		if(number == 124) {
			
			var quote = "If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?";
		}

		if(number == 125) {
			
			var quote = "Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?";
		}

		if(number == 126) {
			
			var quote = "Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?";
		}

		if(number == 127) {
			
			var quote = "Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?";
		}

		if(number == 128) {
			
			var quote = "Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?";
		}

		if(number == 129) {
			
			var quote = "Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?";
		}

		if(number == 130) {
			
			var quote = "If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?";
		}

		if(number == 131) {
			
			var quote = "If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?";
		}

		if(number == 132) {
			
			var quote = "When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!";
		}

		if(number == 133) {
			
			var quote = "If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?";
		}

		if(number == 134) {
			
			var quote = "Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?";
		}

		if(number == 135) {
			
			var quote = "Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?";
		}

		if(number == 136) {
			
			var quote = "What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?";
		}

		if(number == 137) {
			
			var quote = "If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?";
		}

		if(number == 138) {
			
			var quote = "Do married people live longer than single people do or does it just SEEM longer?";
		}

		if(number == 139) {
			
			var quote = "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.";
		}



// Her blir sitatet skrevet ut.
if(title != "") {
	document.write("<b></i>" + title + "</b><br>");
}

	document.write("<i>&quot;" + quote + "&quot;</i><br>");
	


}
getQuote();